Everyone has heard the term “deal breakers”, especially when you’re referring to dating. Some people think it’s a silly concept and not important. Some live and die by their deal breakers list. And then there are those who have their list but throw it out the window when their oxytocin (the “love” hormone) kicks in and they’re swooning over someone even if that someone isn’t right for them.
So, is it important? ABSOLUTELY! However, there are ways to construct your list to keep it realistic and tailor-fit just for you.
Why should you have a list? Well, are you one of those people that always end up in the same dating pattern and your relationships end with you thinking, “How the heck did that happen AGAIN?” It’s because you’re not paying attention to what’s important (and by the way…height, eye color, and type of vehicle one drives are NOT deal breakers).
How you build your list is easy…go back over your past relationships and think about what you loved and what you didn’t love about each. Think about those qualities in a person that you just can’t live without. Think about the question “Would I rather be alone than be with someone who…..?” That’s how you build your deal breakers list.
The list can change. Yes…in the event you meet someone and find that you’ve put something on the list that is no longer applicable…go ahead and take it off. As long as you’re being honest with yourself that it really, truly is no longer important to you and you’re not just trying to make someone right for you if they really aren’t.
What should go on the deal breakers list? There are some classic items that appear on these lists. For example, Dog Lover. If you always have and always will have dogs…ALWAYS…And they sleep on the couch, sleep in the bed, and are part of the family…then you won’t want to be with someone who isn’t OK with that…it’s never gonna work. Doesn’t matter how attractive, funny, or wordly…don’t settle for someone who doesn’t value the same things as you.
The most important thing to remember is that the Deal Breakers list represents what’s important to you. It’s a list of things you value and believe in. It’s your dating compass. Create your list and check it frequently when you’re out in the dating world to make sure you’re honoring yourself and staying true to what you deserve. Don’t settle, compromise, or date down…you’re worth waiting for.