I love dogs, but he didn’t

It’s true, it’s true….I almost married someone who didn’t like animals (gasp!). Anyone who knows me knows I’m absolutely bananas for our four-legged friends (and two legged, and with fins…you get the point). I’ve loved animals since the day I was born. I even have what I call “Animal Tourettes”…I spontaneously make voices for them…I can’t help it…it’s uncontrollable (and HE used to hate that). Bottom line: I can not imagine life without pets….ever!

“So why on earth would you date, much less get engaged to, someone who didn’t like pets” you ask?

The answer is simple: Fear

There’s an acronym that says FEAR means: False Evidence Appearing Real.

This was my case for sure. I created evidence in my head (false evidence) that I wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or interesting enough. I told myself these things for most my life (the reasons for that, well, we’ll go there in a future blog someday, maybe). I really believed those negative things at the core of my being. Living with that belief system causes a person to make lots of poor choices as a result…especially in relationships.

These days you’d never know that I used to be that kind of girl…the kind who’d sacrifice even the most important things to her, like pets, to be with a man I thought I needed.

The truth of the matter is I used to be insecure, self-doubting, zero confidence, and really hard on myself which led me to someone I thought was “too good” for me, so it baffled me WHY he’d want to be with me. As a result I let a lot of things be OK that are definitely NOT OK throughout our relationship. I was so afraid of standing up for what I value and believe in because I knew he’d leave if I did…and being alone was the most terrifying thought in the world at that time. So I stuffed my truth far away (and stuffed quite a few pizzas, too! Eat your feelings much?) Oh how I wish there had been a Love Rehab retreat back then! It would have saved me many years and tears.

Although that relationship (and a few others) devastated me and turned my world upside down, I am so truly grateful for all that I learned through that whole nightmarish process…because my world eventually turned right side up again and made me who I am.  Today I know, with 110% certainty, what I need, want, and deserve and it’s because of the lessons I learned from my past choices. Today I can honestly say that I would rather be alone than be with someone who isn’t right for me. Whether I am actually alone right now is nun of yer beeswax….but I’m happy and that’s all that matters.

These are the kids, Kayla Princess of the World and little Monkey Doodle Butt

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About Jill

Executive Director and Founder of Red Lotus Way

2 Responses to “I love dogs, but he didn’t”

  1. Paula McCafferty July 12, 2012 4:08 pm #

    It’s amazing what we do and tell ourselves in the name of “love”

  2. Peyson January 16, 2014 10:23 am #

    I have just found your site and have already lost track of my day reading it! 🙂

    You said:

    “This was my case for sure. I created evidence in my head (false evidence) that I wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or interesting enough. I told myself these things for most my life (the reasons for that, well, we’ll go there in a future blog someday, maybe)”

    Did you ever elaborate? I am just curious how you went from that mindset and the doormat person (I read that in other post), to where you are now.

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